In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
