I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
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