I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
