normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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