I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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