my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I wish you could order shots online.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
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I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
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Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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