I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
