This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
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the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
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You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....