my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize