Texts From Last Night

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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit

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  (403): Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit http://tfl.nu/h77n
  Replies (9) Good night (791) Bad night (2303)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday

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  (248): I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday http://tfl.nu/yta3
  Replies (83) Good night (1446) Bad night (10171)
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  (910): View more from North Carolina

  too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.

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  (910): too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time. http://tfl.nu/w0g5
  Replies (17) Good night (4361) Bad night (757)
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  (818): View more from California

  I just ran into the couch, vagina first.

  (1-818): View more from California

  I hope you got dinner out of it

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  (818): I just ran into the couch, vagina first. (1-818): I hope you got dinner out of it http://tfl.nu/uzwb
  Replies (15) Good night (4273) Bad night (884)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.

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  (519): When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon. http://tfl.nu/7cpz
  Replies (56) Good night (8564) Bad night (1047)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?

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  (203): He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him? http://tfl.nu/bxd1
  Replies (24) Good night (1861) Bad night (5180)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.

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  (717): Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life. http://tfl.nu/od19
  Replies (12) Good night (2236) Bad night (2912)
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  (216): View more from Ohio

  It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote

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  (216): It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote http://tfl.nu/ew61
  Replies (4) Good night (1544) Bad night (1146)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.

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  (703): At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina. http://tfl.nu/dkbw
  Replies (24) Good night (1610) Bad night (3078)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.

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  (202): incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay. http://tfl.nu/a1k2
  Replies (8) Good night (1608) Bad night (2764)
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  (406): View more from Montana

  You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.

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  (406): You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it. http://tfl.nu/4hyg
  Replies (9) Good night (1257) Bad night (2742)
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  (520): View more from Arizona

  Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?

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  (520): Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago? http://tfl.nu/8k0d
  Replies (8) Good night (1073) Bad night (545)
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  (913): View more from Kansas

  This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity

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  (913): This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity http://tfl.nu/jo5n
  Replies (10) Good night (775) Bad night (1350)
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front

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  (770): It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front http://tfl.nu/bbjx
  Replies (1) Good night (854) Bad night (403)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."

  (404): View more from Georgia

  That's how I look going for the pbr.

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  (404): I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there." (404): That's how I look going for the pbr. http://tfl.nu/2uqj
  Replies (11) Good night (905) Bad night (299)

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