I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
If You’re Hot, It’s Easier For You To Do These 27 Things
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between