WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?