Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
