you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
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you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
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i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?