you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
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so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
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well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved