Texts From Last Night

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  (404): View more from Georgia

  Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.

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  (404): Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that. http://tfl.nu/7nr6
  Replies (2) Good night (913) Bad night (548)
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  (803): View more from South Carolina

  I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy

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  (803): I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy http://tfl.nu/msis
  Replies (76) Good night (6493) Bad night (734)
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  (310): View more from California

  i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son

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  (310): i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son http://tfl.nu/uvhv
  Replies (19) Good night (936) Bad night (4263)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.

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  (570): when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one. http://tfl.nu/52ae
  Replies (16) Good night (3736) Bad night (1416)
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  (702): View more from Nevada

  Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?

  (636): View more from Missouri

  anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence

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  (702): Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls? (636): anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence http://tfl.nu/1u56
  Replies (32) Good night (8782) Bad night (1033)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?

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  (303): If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made? http://tfl.nu/goen
  Replies (46) Good night (1108) Bad night (16329)
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?

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  (301): I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun? http://tfl.nu/ilq6
  Replies (3) Good night (2847) Bad night (1175)
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  (417): View more from Missouri

  She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.

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  (417): She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit. http://tfl.nu/3bxb
  Replies (21) Good night (3878) Bad night (1406)
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  (856): View more from New Jersey

  What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.

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  (856): What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today. http://tfl.nu/ecb0
  Replies (4) Good night (1079) Bad night (567)
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  (561): View more from Florida

  I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.

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  (561): I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers. http://tfl.nu/3qln
  Replies (8) Good night (1490) Bad night (481)
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  (515): View more from Iowa

  My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."

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  (515): My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches." http://tfl.nu/3hga
  Replies (7) Good night (1956) Bad night (381)
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  (320): View more from Minnesota

  Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.

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  (320): Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different. http://tfl.nu/42a5
  Replies (5) Good night (1243) Bad night (334)
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  (616): View more from Michigan

  If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.

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  (616): If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine. http://tfl.nu/wf47
  Replies (2) Good night (493) Bad night (406)
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  (613): View more from Ontario

  Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too

  (613): View more from Ontario

  This was before halftime

  (613): View more from Ontario

  I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME

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  (613): Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too (613): This was before halftime (613): I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME http://tfl.nu/8vn8
  Replies (5) Good night (1185) Bad night (291)
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  (510): View more from California

  Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.

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  (510): Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine. http://tfl.nu/0e0b
  Replies (4) Good night (277) Bad night (157)

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