So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL