Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
