U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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