Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
the gays at disneyland are vicious
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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