dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
