she woke up with a sticky ear
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
you traded sex for a burrito?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
This is my gift to your gina
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Randomize
