If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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