Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
