I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize
