i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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