my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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