we have pet lesbian snakes
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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