she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
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