This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
