party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Randomize
