I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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