rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
My vagina is very pro this idea
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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