My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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