i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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