omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
When are your genitals available?
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
