Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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