You smell like a Billy Joel song
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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