I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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