Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
