So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
