Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
