my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
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