yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
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