I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
we should paint friendship bongs
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