I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
