just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
