ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
