You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Randomize
