Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
