And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
