he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
