Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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