if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
