I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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