Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
