i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
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What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
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getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
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