My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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