So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
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