brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
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He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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