Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
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