My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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