How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
