woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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