Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
3pm strippers are depressing
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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